Life has been really crazy lately, and pretty challenging. We have really felt tested lately, but we have also felt closer to each other than we ever have. It has made us really reflect on what is truly important in life, and we have actually noticed that with our trials we have been given a lot of guidance to help us through it. During the past couple weeks at church it has seemed like the Lord is really reaching out to be there for us. The talks and lessons we have heard have felt like they are directly meant for us. It has been a huge blessing and has strengthened our testimony of the gospel and continued to remind us that our Heavenly Father loves us so so much.
I'm so glad for the life I have. It is hard. Life is hard. It doesn't matter who you are, what you've gone through, how much money you have, or how great of a person you are. Life is a trial for everyone. We all have battles, we all have felt kicked when we're down, we've all felt alone, and scared. But, that is that awesome thing about life. We all have something in common! No one is exempt from hard times, but no one is meant to go through it by themselves. I look back and think on times I felt like I really had no one to look to, but I always did. There were always church leaders, friends, family, and of course my Father in heaven.
In our last sacrament meeting with the BYU YSA ward two Sunday's ago a girl spoke on prayer. She spoke the same words I have heard about prayer so many times before, but this time was different somehow. This time my heart was opened. I felt like my soul had been yearning for this lesson and it was like drinking water after wandering through a desert.
She said five simple words. "Sometimes the answer is no." This struck a chord with me like it hasn't before. Because this time I didn't hear it and think "Yeah, sometimes life stinks and we don't get what we want. Sometimes we're supposed to struggle through it and move on with life." No. This time I heard "Sometimes Heavenly Father tells us no because he knows of the heartache and danger that await us if we were to be told "Yes." Sometimes he says no because he has in store for us greater blessings than we could have hoped to have found on the opposite path." I could feel somewhere inside of me that everything I have wanted recently that received a "No" answer to were not things that would make me feel fulfilled and truly happy. It's as if I were at a fork in the road and suddenly could see in the distance what waited at the end of both ways, and the way that I had prayed to go down looked a lot more dim than I imagined it would be.
Ever since this day things have started to click. And by "click" I don't mean that everything became sun and rainbows. I mean that even in the midst of the trials Jason and I are going through, I have found peace and comfort. Even though it has been difficult at times, I find comfort that these trials are meant to serve a greater purpose than to just be difficult. It is all meant to lead us to blessings and happiness, and in knowing that, I have felt much happier.
Jason sent me a link to a video today of the story of the prodigal son. It talks about how the son who left and returned was not the only one who was lost. The son who chose to stay with his father soon found himself overcome with jealousy and anger. Elder Jeffery R. Holland goes on to talk about allurements telling us that what we have is not enough. Jas and I briefly spoke on how easy it is to notice the things you are missing out on. That has been something I have found myself struggling with, I think to some extent we all are constantly battling that feeling. I want to live in a bigger home, I want to go on more vacations, I want to be able to go on more expensive date nights, I want all my relationships to be perfect, I want friends and family to reach out more, etc.
I may not have much, but what I do have is of more worth than I could ever hope to find within larger amounts of money, perfect people, or beautiful places and things. I have a place to call home. I have a husband whom I always feel safe with and loved by. I have wonderful family and friends that may not be perfect, but are there for me, and definitely worth my time and love. I belong to a church that is always teaching me more, allowing me to serve and to be served, and never fails me. I have food to eat when I am hungry. And I have a beautiful baby on the way that reminds me how much I am needed and how much good I am capable of doing.
Life is not perfect, people are not perfect, and that's okay. The way I see it is that life could not be perfect if it weren't for the flaws and the hardships. We would never learn and grow. We would never experience developing talents. We would never feel loved and blessed because we would never know what it is like to feel otherwise.
I don't mean this to be all preachy and sappy, but I can't help but feel so overwhelmed with gratitude for the things, the simple things, we experience every day. I know it's hard, believe me, my life is far from perfect or glamorous, and there have been times in my past where I didn't think that I could ever find real happiness. But it's there! It's surrounding us! Sometimes we don't get the things we want or the answers we are looking for, but there is a reason. The reasons are usually unseen to us, which can make it feel like a punishment or some kind of curse, but I promise, it isn't.
I hope that every person that reads this knows they are loved. You are loved by a higher power, you are loved by people in your life, you are loved by me. I am grateful to those who have shown love and kindness to me. It is essential for us to be there for each other. We are surrounded by one another for a reason, we are meant to go through this life together. We are meant to share in each other's losses, accomplishments, sorrows, and happiness. I know I won't be perfect, but this new year I hope to be better at that.
Thank you everyone. My life is where it is today because of the people who are in it.
(Below is the link to the video I mentioned earlier)
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