My Garden

Each summer that we have lived in our current apartment (this will be the second) I get the urge to garden. We have a decent sized section of dirt in front that fills with weeds and it is quite the eye sore. I can't help but feel a need to make it look better. Last year was my first time trying, and I was not very successful, but it still made me feel good trying! I was determined to try again this year when I received garden flowers for Mother's Day from my parents and grandpa. My dad brought by some materials to help and today Jason and I got to work.

While we tilled the soil I stopped, looked at Jas, and said "Who would have thought I would end up choosing to work in a garden for fun!?" We went on to discuss how in my childhood I hated working outdoors...and indoors...any kind of work really. I had my interests and I wanted to spend all my time on those.

The conversation got a little further and I talked about how on Mother's Day I noticed several women sharing how they always knew they wanted to be a mom. That when they were little and were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up they would say "A mom!" Not me. I had this vision that I would become famous, whether on Broadway or the big screen, it didn't matter, either would do. I wanted to become famous, live an "easy life", date some hot guy, probably get married, and spend my time having fun. MAYBE have one child.. if it fit in to my life. HA!

Isn't it funny how time and experience can change so much? I never really pictured being a stay at home mom, or a mom in general. I never (in my wildest dreams!!) pictured enjoying house work and yard work. I never imagined that the most important things to me would become my home and my family. But it happened and I am so grateful it did!

Carrie Underwood's song "What I Never Knew I Always Wanted" pretty much sums up how I feel. "Life has a way of showing you just what you need and who you were made to be". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wurcrS4b5w

My life has not turned out how I thought it would. It is so much better.

Maybe it's those years of my parents trying to teach me the value of hard work finally blossoming. Maybe someone brainwashed me. Who knows! I don't care, because I am loving it. I have never felt so secure, so consistently happy, so "myself" as I do now where I am at in life.

This is my life. To some it may not look like much, it may even appear to be ugly. To me it is my precious little garden. It is a work in progress. We have not yet planted all of our flowers, and the ones we have are small and have yet to grow to their potential. We have not yet finished building a small deck to sit on during the summer nights. But eventually it will all come together (or it may even fall apart!). The point is that in the end a lot of hard work, love, care, and help from others will have gone in to this garden.

I am grateful for all I have, all I have become, and all that is ahead of me.

22 Week Update/ It's a GIRL!!

I am not going to go in to too much detail, some of it feels spiritual to me and is quite hard to explain in words on a blog, but I will say that Jason and I just knew we were having a girl. From dreams, promptings, differences in pregnancies, all the way down to Ollie (out of nowhere and on several occasions) blurting out "baby sister!" There were a lot of signs pointing to this little one being a girl. I love thinking on all of this, looking at entries in my journal claiming to know it was a girl, and then having it all confirmed!

We are so incredibly happy! 

UPDATE:

-How far along?: My original due date was set as the 10th of September, then at my first 3 ultrasounds they said they were changing it to the 13th (not a big difference) but then the last two appointments they've said I'm measuring on track for "my due date on the 10th". So..I'm somewhere in the 22 week range! 

-Total weight gain/loss?: Ready for this? NINE POUNDS GAINED!! I am now at 115. I've eaten much worse this pregnancy but I've also been doing a lot more cardio than I did with Oliver..so I'm hoping that will balance things a little and I'll be able to stay in a healthy range for weight gain.

-Maternity clothes?: I've been wearing more of my medium-large sized shirts but still haven't actually purchased maternity. I need to! 

-Sleep?: Pretty good still!

-Best moment?: FINDING OUT THE GENDER!! (Video and pictures below) 

-Hardest moment?: Leaving the ultrasound..I just wanted to watch our baby all day. 

-Symptoms?: Soreness

-Food cravings?: Sweet treats! I also find I'm in the mood to snack on something crunchy and salty a little more lately.

-Food aversions?: None. But I do regret that KFC trip we made a week ago.. 

-Gender?: GIRL!!!

-Belly button in or out?: Half in, half flat haha.

-What I miss?: Seeing my sweet baby at the anatomy scan. It was so fun! We had an amazing ultrasound technician who was so sweet, even when I started to feel faint halfway through and had to keep adjusting my position.

-What I'm looking forward to?: Enjoying all the times we get with Ollie as an only child. He is seriously the best. 

And obviously, holding my darling baby girl. 

And room service at the hospital! Haha! 

Reveal Video:

20 Week Update

-How far along?: 20 weeks. 

-Total weight gain/loss?: 4 pounds gained.

-Maternity clothes?: Nope, but I am about to go buy some! With Ollie I pretty much made due with clothes I had/hand me downs. I literally bought one maternity shirt, but it worked! This time around I am definitely going to need to buy some larger clothes since I've cleaned out my closet and now only have pre-pregnancy sized clothing.

-Sleep?: Not too bad the last few weeks. 

-Best moment?: I have felt really great in my body this pregnancy (so far). I am in that "cute" and "blissful" stage and loving it! My energy is up, my mood is great (as long as I'm fed that is), and I'm comfortable enough to not complain but uncomfortable enough to feel pregnant (in a good way). I'm sure it's the calm before the storm. ;)   

-Hardest moment?: I have been getting used to Jason working graveyard shifts at the hospital and actually am beginning to prefer them over day shifts. HOWEVER, there are times here and there that I do get a little scared. Last night I got things cleaned up and Ollie down to bed so I decided to hop in the shower. I heard sounds and ignored it at first (we have adjoining neighbors so I assumed I was hearing something through the walls). Suddenly it sounded like someone was running up our stairs and my heart stopped. My mind becomes a little overactive in the later hours and I started picturing the worst..someone ripping the curtain open and stabbing my stomach, or kidnapping Oliver and I and selling us to human traffickers, etc. I rushed to finish so I could get out and check on Ollie. I looked around and no longer heard any sounds or detected any sign of intrusion, and found the sweetest little boy sleeping peacefully in his crib. 

I think it makes me more nervous (when I hear noises while home alone) now that I'm pregnant. I feel more defenseless. Like I wouldn't be able to fight back as hard without harming my sweet baby. Yikes!

-Symptoms?: Slight fatigue. Increase in appetite. I'm not able to eat a ton in one sitting usually, but I find I become hungry much more frequently.

-Food cravings?: SWEETS. I don't want them 24/7 but I crave desserts at least once a day.

-Food aversions?: None. 

-Gender?: All will be revealed on Mother's Day!

-Belly button in or out?: In.

-What I miss?: Nothing really. Although, I have felt a slight twinge of sadness as May approaches simply because that is when I was expected to have my last baby. So, I guess in a way I miss my last pregnancy? But I also don't..because I now have this sweet little baby to keep me company through this time. 

-What I'm looking forward to?: Room service at the hospital.. is that weird? I usually hear people complain about hospital food but I just LOVED being served food after having Ollie! 

-Milestones?: I felt the baby for the first time during my 17th week. Jason felt the baby kick during the 18th week. It was so cool! He reached over to feel my tummy and I said "You probably won't feel anything"... 5 seconds later baby decided to show mama who's boss and kicked twice quite hard!  

-Bump: Here are pictures of my progression (both bump and style wise..haha!)

20 weeks 

 17 weeks

 15 weeks

 13 weeks

Our Special Announcement/First Update

As you may already know, as shared in my previous post, last October my little family and I lost what would have been our second baby. It affected me in ways I can't even explain and, to be honest, I still am feeling pretty sad about it. But (cheesy quote incoming), you have to have a little rain to make a rainbow.

Here's our rainbow..

We are extremely grateful! 

-How did you find out you were pregnant?: Okay, this is a little crazy, but I knew I was pregnant within days of it happening. It wasn't a hunch or a "I think I am" kind of thing. I was 100% sure I was pregnant. I had a weird metallic taste in my mouth and my body just felt different.. like it was screaming "Yo mama! You pregnant again!". Sure enough, about a week and a half later I found out I was expecting.

-How far along?: 17 weeks.  

-How big is the peanut?: About the size of a pear. 

-Total weight gain/loss?: I am now up to 110 putting me at a 4 pound weight gain. 

-Maternity clothes?: Not yet. 

-Sleep?: Hit and miss. I'm having a harder time breathing but I'm still sleeping okay.

-Best moment?: Just being pregnant in general has made me glad!  

-Hardest moment?: I bled off and on in the first trimester. While it was frustrating I kept telling Jason "I just feel like everything is going to be okay this time." and he said he felt the same. So far, we've been right!

-Symptoms?: Fatigue 

-Food cravings?: Italian food has my heart this pregnancy..and sweets!  

-Food aversions?: Not really. 

-Gender?: We will announce the gender on Mother's Day! 

-Belly button in or out?: In.

-What I miss?: NOTHING. I am so glad to be pregnant!

-What I'm looking forward to?: Being in the hospital again! I LOVED my experience having Ollie and am really excited to do it again! 

-Milestones?: I'm in my second trimester which is nice! 

-Bump?: Yes! I definitely started showing sooner this time. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the fact that this is technically my third pregnancy and happened right after the second one.