I forgot I'm a wife.

I am not certain how common this is (I imagine others experiences are similar, if not the same as my own), but guys, I have been neglecting my husband and our relationship as husband and wife.

Having kids can be HARD. Especially those first few months after delivery. You are going through recovery, discovering how strange the human body can be (and not in the most pleasant of ways), running on little to no sleep, attempting to keep the house in order (yeah right),  and trying to figure out how to care for your precious new angel (who does not appear to be said angel when awake and screaming at 3AM). And on top of that my husband wants love and affection? Say what!? I can barely keep up with grocery shopping and brushing my own teeth (real talk.. gross but true) and here he is asking me for a kiss? First of all, can you not hear the baby crying? Secondly, did you not hear me say I have not brushed my teeth today???

Since having Audrey I find myself saying "I am too tired" and "I am too busy" all too frequently.

I love my husband. So dang much. Guys, he is just.. I mean.. I can't even explain it. He is awesome. He is hilarious. Loving, kind, intelligent, and so many other great things. I say this a lot, but it's true- I really lucked out.

So why do I feel so irritated when he tells me how tired he is (seriously babe, I've had like two minutes of sleep since our daughter was born.. not really.. but really) or when he asks for my time and attention? Probably hormones.

Tonight I started staring at my wedding ring and I began  thinking about Jason and why I married him. Warm fuzzies filled my chest and I realized...

Being a good mom does not make you a good wife.

I have forgotten that I am a wife.

(Random side note.. say "wife" ten  and it starts to sound like a  weird word.)

I love my kids and would do just about anything for them, but what about my husband? The one who provides for our family. The one who plays "boat explorers" with our son, who bounces Audrey to calm her. The man who compliments me on my "beauty" despite me feeling much the opposite.

There are times when loving your spouse won't feel natural and you won't want to.. Like when you've been caring for two little ones all day and you feel crazy and tired and your husband asks you to help with chores. My initial inclination lately is to snap and demand to know why he dare ask me such a thing when I've been working my booty off all day  trying to at least keep my children alive. But love doesn't do that. Loving doesn't necessarily mean you end up doing the chores, but it does mean you take time to consider your partner and their feelings and needs. You speak to them kindly and you show your heart.

I am far from perfect. In fact, I often feel like a black sheep amongst my incredible family and friends. But I strive to be better. And tomorrow I'm going to be better. I may feel exhausted but I'm going to give my husband a kiss (and I'll even brush my teeth before I do!) and I'm going to remember that I am not only a mother but I am a wife.

My spouse deserves a wife who cares enough to set aside even just five minutes in the day to make him feel like he is loved as more than just a Dad and a provider.

Jas, thanks for being my best friend. Thanks for seeing past the struggles I've been going through and loving my despite them. You deserve fifty gold stars and fifty million dollars! I love you!